You’re doing great. Really. Your baby adores you. You are as much the center of his universe as he is yours. I know. I saw that look he gave you yesterday. That one of complete trust. The one of complete love (funny how they just seem to know what love is, even when they have no real way of knowing, right?). The one that sighed with contentment, “Mommy’s here.”

And that’s what you told him, too. “Mommy’s here.”

His relief and your comfort are the same, you see.

You’re doing a great job, because you’re there. Unshowered, falling asleep mid-sentence, wafting the faintest odor of milk wherever you go, but present. Here.

When he’s crying at night, in spite of your exhaustion, you’re there.

When he needs to nurse yet again, giving you no time for a meal yourself, you’re there.

When you suspect he’s feeling warm. When his cry sounds different. When he needs to take his vitamins or his gripe water, you’re there.

And that’s excrutiating sometimes. It really is. Nobody blames you when you stare at your partner, shaking your head in delirious disbelief, “Did we just irrevocably screw up our lives? Did we just make a huge mistake? What were we thinking? Why were we wanting this? We were praying for this!”

But trust me, soon you’ll laugh about those thoughts and fears. Because you won’t remember him not being here. Or rather, you will, but it will seem empty, incomplete. You won’t remember not being needed. Not being there.

“Mommy’s here.”

Everything is going to be great. Because he knows already that mommy will be there. And because you know that nothing will ever keep you away.

So when you start to feel guilty. When you feel like you haven’t done enough (or anything at all). When you’ve snapped at your spouse, your friends, the UPS guy, well-meaning relatives. When you even start to snap at him, finally bursting out, “What do you want? What could you possibly want??” Don’t feel like a failure. You’re not. Because you’re there.

“Mommy’s here.”

And she’s not going anywhere.

Honest Mom